When I first had Sawyer, I tried my hardest to breast feed as not being able to with Harvey really got me down at the time. Sawyer was perfect at latching but was such a big baby, I struggled to provide him with enough to ever settle him. The main reason I gave it up however, was that I was desperate for my hormones to settle to give my eyes some kind of a chance to right themselves after having him and I was desperate to apply for a trial for anti-progression tablets for my Stargardts at Southampton hospital, which I couldn’t do whilst breast feeding. My blind spots had started flashing all the time and I had terrible double vision towards the end of my pregnancy, and it frightened me a lot.
After giving up breastfeeding, I spent a lot of time feeling sad over it and feeling like I had let Sawyer down and myself down and worrying that I wouldn’t build a bond with him (which I realise now was irrational). I had been reading about baby wearing and felt that this was a big way to bond with him and to feel close to each other, but that also when he is in his push chair, I struggle to see him. I often miss if he has been sick or if he is smiling at me, I don’t realise. I have to say this carrier has been an absolute god send and has provided us with proper one on one time whilst he is growing and whilst he is in this, I can see everything he is doing close up and I don’t miss anything. Some people may feel that carrying a baby most of the time can make them hard to put down, but they are only little for such a short space of time, that I am happy to carry on wearing Sawyer for as long as possible and I wish I had done the same with Harvey too 💙.
