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Health and Beauty Vision

A glimpse into chronic life, by COVID-19

March 16, 2020

COVID-19, I think everyone knows what it is by now and is feeling the effects of this highly contagious virus. People have lost holidays from the travel bans and others are worrying about loss of earnings and having to self-isolate. Our freedom of movement is being compromised and many aren’t dealing with the restrictions very easily. 

Hopefully all of this will be over in a few months, but imagine if this was actually your life day in day out, forever.

So many disabled people, people with chronic illness and the blind to name just a couple, live in isolation and fear every single day. Too poorly to get out of bed, some people with chronic illness spend weeks isolated at home on their own, not able to socialise with others, plan holidays and have a constant worry about a lack of income. People diagnosed with vision loss don’t know if they will be out of a job once their vision progresses and are often trapped at home due to not being able to drive and having nobody around them to support them and take them shopping or to appointments. Some days too anxious to leave their house in case they can’t read the bus number or be able to navigate where they are going.

Now imagine you have booked your dream holiday and you are so excited, but the week before you have a big relapse and are too poorly to go, not the first time this has happened and you know there is very little point in re-booking. You then spend the next few weeks lying in bed in isolation, dreaming of the holiday that could have been and wishing so much that you were like everyone else and had all your freedom.

Beautiful Sea and Sandy Beach - A Dream Holiday Destination For Many
Beautiful Sea and Sandy Beach – A Dream Holiday Destination For Many

Imagine having to cancel going to your best friend’s wedding because you feel too anxious to stand in a crowd of people you don’t know for fear of feeing disorientated and unable to recognise faces and worrying that you are going to make fool of yourself because your vision has become so bad. Having to cancel a meal out with your partner because there is no wheelchair access. the list goes on.

Luckily for the majority of people the situation right now of cancelled plans will be temporary, but for many, it’s just what they are used to.

Unfortunately, during this crisis, it’s the vulnerable yet again, that are suffering the most. This virus has bought out the selfish in some people who are stock piling extortionate amounts of essential items such as dried and tinned foods, toiletries, baby items and special dietary foods. People are taking up delivery slots that a lot of disabled people rely on to be able to eat weekly. Shopping in chaos when you are blind or have sensory issues can be distressing and some people are only thinking about themselves through all of this.

Support Wording
Support Wording

At this present moment, we need to pull together, support the vulnerable and check up on those who may be finding this harder than others. It will also be a time that may highlight severe anxiety in some. Instead of being selfish we need to support each other, we need to be kind and thoughtful. Lend a helping hand where it is needed, but also remember, when this has all died down and everyone else carries on with the life that they are used to, please don’t forget the vulnerable, it’s not just during this time that they may need your support or help, they may suffer in silence more than you have ever been aware of before ♥️.

Health and Beauty Lifestyle Vision

Behind The Smile

February 17, 2020

“It’s not always the tears that measure the pain. Sometimes it’s the smile we fake”.

Most people will have heard by now of the tragic death of Caroline Flack ♥️ the woman who seemed to have the perfect life and the brightest smile. We seem to assume that if someone appears happy on the surface and especially on social media, then all must be ok.

It’s so very easy to hide behind a smile, a smile is easy to fake. When people ask, “how are you”, the simplest reply is “ok thank you”. How many of us have done this, when inside we are really holding back the tears? Through my time of having severe anxiety and panic attacks in the past, I have felt that desperation and wondering of how I can go on when I was having several distressing panic attacks daily and then again when I was diagnosed with Stargardts. Without support, which thankfully I had, I can honestly see how things could get too much for someone to bear and how the darkness can take over your thoughts.

Be Kind Text Quote
Be Kind Text Quote

I don’t know what’s happened to society of late, but when someone in the public eye appears vulnerable or makes a mistake like the rest of us do every day, the British media and trolls seem to attack that Person relentlessly. People forget they are a real human being, who has feelings, hopes and dreams, and when someone is feeling vulnerable, those vicious words day in and day out can destroy any ounce of self-worth they ever had.

The sad fact is most of these trolls are brave because they sit behind a keyboard and I guarantee the majority would not say anything to that person they are hounding in real life. I am not a celebrity, but some of the things I have had said to me on social media about my vision loss, is awful, but luckily I am in a good place and I just let it go, but I think these people need to be held accountable for their actions.

The British media also need to take a long, hard look at the way they report and the whole innocent until proven guilty needs to be put into practice and details need to be kept private until someone is charged for their mistake.

My point of this post is just to remind people that kindness really is everything. If you have nothing nice to say, just say nothing at all. Spreading hate and sadness is such a waste of time and can have catastrophic consequences. If you are trolling people because you are unhappy in your own life, please seek help because this behaviour is destructive, and it costs lives. A reminder to everyone else is when you ask a friend how they are and they reply, “Ok thank you”, ask them again and see how they are truly feeling, you may be surprised at their answer ♥️.

For anyone who may need some support x

*Samaritans charity – https://www.samaritans.org

Mind – https://www.mind.org.uk

Anxiety U.K. – https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk

SANE – http://www.sane.org.uk

Health and Beauty Lifestyle Vision

4D Scan Day 💙

April 15, 2019
30 Weeks Pregnant - 4D Scan Day

After the sadness of my appointment last Friday, and dealing with the fact that my eyes are progressing, I had totally forgotten our 4D baby scan was booked for the following weekend. At the time, I booked the scan after Moorfields, in case I received bad news and needed something to look forward to. When the reminder came up on my phone last Sunday, excitement washed over my upset. I can’t deny I was slightly apprehensive about the 4D scan even though my baby seems to be doing well and is healthy, but you just never know if they will end up picking something up that has been missed, or discovering something that needs monitoring, so although I was really looking forward to seeing our baby properly for the first time, I was slightly nervous too. 

We went to the same private scanning facilities that we used for Harvey’s 4D scan and as soon as we entered the car park, all the memories came flooding back and at that point I was just really looking forward to finding out what our little boy looked like. Harvey hasn’t been allowed to any of the previous scans on the NHS, so it was so nice to bring him with us and share this experience together as a family and also to help him bond with his little brother. 

Once we were in the scanning room, I was instantly relieved because there was a large screen at the end of the bed I had to lie on. With the previous scans, I have really struggled to see at the time, which broke my heart if I’m honest. The screen for the 12 and 20 week scans were right up in the corner of the room and really small and it was just so hard for me to make out our baby and everything the sonographer pointed out to us, so knowing I would see all of the 4d scan was amazing!  As soon as the screen went on and we saw our little boy properly for the first time, I completely fell in love. His little button nose and sweet little face filled my heart with love and to watch Harvey seeing his brother on a screen for the first time is now one of my best memories 💙. When the half an hour ended, we even caught a little smile on the screen from our baby boy and then I knew that even if pregnancy has progressed my eyes, it’s been worth it, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I can’t wait to properly meet my little boy now and see how different or similar he may be to Harvey and to watch their bond grow in person. Life definitely has its hard and unhappy moments, but I’m so grateful to my 2 boys for giving me so much joy and happiness to hold on too xxx

Our little baby boy - 4D Scan Image
Our little baby boy – 4D Scan Image
Health and Beauty Lifestyle

When 3 become 4 💙♥️💙💙

February 4, 2019
It's a boy pregnancy reveal.

I finally feel brave enough to discuss my pregnancy now we are over half way and had our 20-week scan 💙! I feel I have been in hiding with it for the past few months, but this time round I have been so sick. Morning sickness wasn’t just in the morning and through the months of November and December was relentless and 24/7 of feeling sick and actually being sick to the point I was prescribed anti sickness tablets to get me through my worst days. But that’s all in the past now and am feeling great in the second trimester thankfully! 

When I was diagnosed with Stargardts in 2017, my hopes of having a sibling for Harvey were completely crushed. I had to wait several months to determine whether I had the dominant gene that would be passed to Harvey or any other children we may have, or the recessive gene that would stop at me. Thankfully I have the recessive gene, so Harvey and any other children we would have, stood a less than a 1% chance of having Stargardts too. Then there was the fact that with subsequent pregnancies, my vision may deteriorate, so this was something I had to really consider. Although the specialists at Moorfields reassured me that pregnancy shouldn’t have any affect on my Stargardts, I am aware that this hasn’t ever really been properly studied and talking to other people from the support groups made me realise that actually, pregnancy can possibly progress the vision loss. Some peoples will go back to normal after the birth as it is hormone related and some peoples won’t, so it was a big decision to make. 

Me at the weekend.

Looking at my life and what Stargardts has taught me, is to live for the now and don’t think too far ahead. There is no point in being scared of my vision progressing quicker now, as it may have anyway. The fact is, my vision isn’t too bad right now and I would have a lot to give another child and for me, I didn’t want Harvey to have all the worry of me and my eyesight by himself when he is older, that is something I seriously had to consider and think into the future about. He already worries if I lose my driving licence and he never passes his driving test so he can take me places and it breaks my heart that his head is full of things like that at such a young age. I’m hoping his new little sibling will be a welcome distraction from the sadness that we had before. 

A picture of a blue teddy bear.
Blue Teddy Bear

I have my check up at Moorfields in April, so I will know where my vision stands then and whether it is on the progression, but until then, I have a nursery to plan, little blue clothes to pick out, baby boy names to think of and lots of little boy toys to stock up on. Stargardts will have to take a back seat for now, it won’t be stealing this joy from me 😊💙.

Health and Beauty

Make-Up – Urban Decay

January 5, 2019
Urban Decay Cherry Palette pic of me with finished makeup.

I adore make up. When I was 18 I went to college to train as a beauty therapist with dreams of becoming a make-up artist. I passed easily as it was the first thing I had ever done that my heart was completely set on, but then things got in the way and anxiety struck, it was also at a time a lot of people were doing beauty and I just never carried on with it or wanted to go to London on my own to do the course. With my obvious decline in vision, I’m not sure if it was a blessing in disguise anyway, as I am finding make up harder and harder to do now, although I still love trying! And giving up a job I loved because of my Stargardts may have been very upsetting, so maybe life worked out for the best after all?

Urban Decay - Cherry Palette - Finished Eye Make-Up
Urban Decay – Cherry Palette – Finished Eye Make-Up

For Christmas my husband bought me the new Urban Decay Cherry palette and lipstick and today was the first day I’d had time to try it out, well it didn’t disappoint! The pinky red colours are amazing and so pigmented. I have a few Urban Decay palettes, but this one is definitely my favourite so far and the dark cherry lipstick finished the look off nicely. Other than my wonky smile, I was very pleased with the results and a reason why you should never give up. I will carry on with my make up as long as I possibly can and even though my dream of becoming a make-up artist never happened, I can still practice on myself when I get the time 💋♥️

My Cherry Eye Palette - Urban Decay
Cherry Eye Palette – Urban Decay
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