So tomorrow I will be 36 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has really flown by and it’s scary to think I had Harvey at 38 weeks so may only have a couple of weeks left, eek! I have come out in a horrible cold the last couple of days and I’m struggling to sleep at night as much as I was because I can’t get comfy at this stage anymore. I have noticed a big change in my eyes the last couple of weeks which in the mornings, sometimes make me panic first thing. I can only describe my blind spots as like looking through honeycomb when I wake up and it lasts a good half an hour until my eyes have settled. This has also started to happen when I get tired later on in the afternoon too, but then doesn’t seem to last as long as in the morning.
My eyes also, in the last few days, seem to have excessive flashing especially in my right eye which just doesn’t settle at all and is really frustrating, I just hope if it is permanent, I adapt and get used to it. All in all, I can’t moan about this pregnancy as it has been relatively easy once the severe morning sickness eased at 15 weeks (and I haven’t even had heart burn this time!), but I am saddened at the deterioration of my eyes. I just hope they settle somewhat after I have had my baby boy, but if they don’t, I know he will have been worth it all.
I totally understand there are other mums who are dealing with a lot worse than I am and I am lucky that my Stargardts disease doesn’t cause any physical difficulties for me, but every week when I go to my pregnancy relaxation class, I have to admit I feel envious. I would love to be like the other mums who can just enjoy their baby fully and take in everything about them. I can’t deny I am sad that little bits of my baby boys face will be missing as I look at him and I will struggle to do up his little poppers on his baby grow or that by the time he is at school I really won’t have any clue which is my child. I always try not to think too far ahead as none of us know what is around the corner and it is best to just live for the now, but it does make my heart heavy when I think too much about my vision and what I will lose. All I know is that vision loss doesn’t stop you from being a good mum, it just changes the way you have to do things and hopefully, like Harvey has done, this little one will adapt with me on my vision loss journey 💙.