I have to be honest and say, I adore Christmas time, December is my favourite month of the year. Last Christmas I felt like I wasted the month by being very disorganised and dwelling on things too much and making myself stressed by trying too much to please others. This year I have already wrapped most of the gifts I have bought people and have decided that it will just be the 3 of us eating at home on Christmas Day this year. To save any hassle, I have ordered a lazy Christmas dinner that is all prepped and veg chopped ready to pick up from the supermarket just before Christmas Day, so I can spend as much time with Harvey as possible and just shove it all in the oven for an hour with minimal fuss. If it isn’t very nice, then I know my mum’s dinner on Boxing Day will make up for it!
We have done quite a lot this month to get in the Christmas spirit. We went to a national trust Christmas market and looked round the Manor House that was all decorated with beautiful Christmas trees and pretty lights. They also had a light trail that was gorgeous and we all really enjoyed it. We also took Harvey to Thomas Land over the weekend as a pre Christmas surprise and he was so excited when we got there, it was very magical and Monday me and my mum treated ourselves to a posh afternoon tea at a luxury hotel in the countryside, just because we wanted to, which was also very festive!
I have tried to focus on the now this Christmas, but at times it can be very difficult. It saddens me so much when the lights don’t shine as brightly anymore on my tree, or trying to film my little boy on a ride at Thomas land, I couldn’t make out easily which child he was and ended up filming someone else and getting fed up with a Christmas film because it’s just too tiring to focus on the TV for so long these days. Inside my heart breaks and for a split second I feel anger rise up inside me and I think why has this had to happened to me, but I know deep down it’s not a healthy way to live. The fact of the matter is, it has happened to me, I am losing my central vision and I can’t do anything about it. Instead of the negative response I have been struggling with, I have been trying to tell myself, why shouldn’t this of happened to me. Yes, it is sad, but my life is continuing despite my eyes failing me. If my eyes have declined, I have adjusted and I will continue to adjust the more they decline and my life can be as amazing or as sad as I let it, I am controlling it, not my Stargardts.
So this Christmas I will make as many visual memories as I can, instead of feeling sad and dwelling on what may be in the coming years, I will live for the moment and I will watch my little boy race down the stairs on Christmas morning full of excitement and anticipation with this little hair standing on end, unwrapping his presents Christmas morning with joy in his eyes and I will sit with my family and eat our Christmas dinner whilst talking and enjoying each other company and I will embrace what I have now and not what I have lost, because I know deep down, my life could be worse and I am lucky to be spending the holidays with people who truly love me and who have got me through the hard times. I don’t want to look back at my life when my eyes are a lot worse and wish I had made the most of what I had, I want to do that now and I want to do it well ♥️ hope everyone has a lovely Christmas xx